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Zombie Offers Abortion Solution To Pro Lifer Conservatives

Baby Moses laws exist but they don’t feed zombies

As a member of the undead community, I don’t give a single rigor mortis fuck if you’re pro-life or pro-choice. What I care about is the very real possibility that if pro-lifers got there way that dumpster babies would become a popular trend. 

Don’t count it as silly just yet. We all know that there are shit parents out there. Afterall, we have mothers willing to smoke meth while pregnant. We got mothers willing to pimp put their toddlers for drug money. We even have retard idiots that can’t remember if they have their kid in a car. Hello, do you have a memory problem? You can’t remember that you helped you child in the car?

Police looking at a baby that a shit teenage mother didn’t want.

We have a slew of shit parents and it is obvious that an ill prepared shit mother that doesn’t want her child is most likely to resort to drastic measures. I bet that if pro life is a mandate and that abortion is illegal outright then we’ll not only see an increase of dumpster babies, but that’ll become this hip sensation that all the cool chicks get into. 

Have you dumped your baby today? #DumpsterBaby 


Listen, pro-lifers, I got your back. I understand the need to protect life and all that, but there are those moms that will just never care, and for that I have a solution! 

Feed the unwanted babies AND the mothers that feel just TOO busy and bothered to have a child to me. That’s right. I’ll eat both the child and the mother, and by doing so I’ll not only help the mother and baby join in the afterlife, I’ll also solve the both dumpster baby crisis and abortion happy mothers! 

Now, Pro-choicers. I get you, too. I understand that sometimes things happen and there are extreme circumstances where you might need to kill the human life in you. And I’m sure pro-choicers would agree that abortion should not replace birth control or be a fail safe for when a condom breaks or when a woman fails to take her birth control correctly. For those that don’t understand how birth control work and are working on their second abortion, get in line for Undead Greg feeding time. 

I don’t expect pro-choicers that kill their lil’ human every time birth control fails to comply willingly, and that is where I can make a deal with the pro-lifers, because they are more likely to be conservative and more likely to have the fire power.

Help Undead Greg feed on the abortion happy pro-choicers AND their dumpster babies and you’ll get absolute zombie immunity. That’s right. I and my undead friends will leave you alone. 

Undead Greg

Listens to Undead Greg’s podcast.

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Fat Actress Who Played The Fat Freak on American Horror Story Doesn’t Want to be the Butt of the Joke Anymore

It’s all that bread. Cut that out and your weight will drop.

Chrissy Metz, best known for her role as the Fat Lady on American Horror Story: Freak Show, claims that she is tired of fat people being the butt of the joke. A fat actress that played a character so fat that they had to erect a tent to undress her because she could not fit in into her trailer now wants to advocate for respectful roles for “plus-size” women. This reads like the beginning of an Onion article. How do you go from being the fat freak to the poster child for how fat actresses should be treated?

Chrissy, you dominate the camera honey.

Honey, that ship had sailed the moment agreed to play the fat freak on American Horror Story. Not only that, but if the ship were to return, you wouldn’t be allowed back on due to maximum capacity issues. Not fat shaming, but I am dishing out reality that her ego may weigh more than her. Someone else could probably be the poster child for better roles for “plus size” people, but not you.

Fat people have been used as the butt of the joke for the longest because of there is something about fat people doing stuff that is just funny. Is it low-brow humor? Is it cruel? Is it exploitive? Yes to all three, but honestly, jokes always require someone or something to be the butt. Why, though? Are people just assholes that like to laugh at other people’s expense? Sometimes. Is there something funny about fat people? Also yes. I’m not being a cruel, soulless asshole. If fat people weren’t funny then how do you explain Chris Farley or Melissa McCarthy?

Look, if Chrissy Metz wants to ask for better roles for fat women than go right ahead, but don’t expect to play the lead for a romantic comedy without your fatness becoming the butt of the joke. It’s just not going to ever happen, ever. A fat woman could play a lead in a horror film, but the movie would likely end in the first chase scene. Not a so fat she’s slow joke, but a simple observation of how cardio works. If Laurie Strode weighed 300 pounds, there would be no third act of the film. It would end with a fat Laurie Strode passing out due to cardio and Michael stabbing her like a plump pig. Is this offensive? Then that’s why certain roles just will never ever be offered to “plus size” people. If you’re so fat to where your chest is an armrest, then you’re too fat for a lead role in horror or a romance. You might have a lead role in a drama or in a comedy, but don’t expect much.

Chrissy, Dexter could use your stomach as a kill table.


An actor can embrace their exploitive fat role, let’s say like Chris Farley or Melissa McCarthy, and then they can even break out for supportive roles that don’t require jokes at their expense like Jonah Hill. 

One reason is that Hollywood’s insistence on typecasting and micro-managing producers wouldn’t allow overweight actors and actresses to losee weight in fear that it may effect their prospects. 

Besides that, I think the real reason as to why is because it’s just not an embraced normality. It’s just not. Obesity is common and tolerated and expected, but it’s just not embraced, and it will never be. Weighing 300 pounds is not something to embrace and own. As a 280 pound dude with a beer gut, I can honestly say that I’m okay with the fact that my body is shit, but I do not expect it nor do I want it to be a norm. If everyone in a zombie film was a 280 pound beer gut motherfucker, then the even the slowest of the slow zombies would win.

This woman embraces her fatness without shame. Learn from her Chrissy Metz

My advise for Chrissy Metz? Own your weight, bitch. Just own that weight without any shame. Be like those overweight prostitutes that boldly sell their body without any shame. Be like that. Don’t kill your career with this advocacy bullshit. it’s not going to ever work, otherwise your career will become the butt of a joke.


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[Real Horror] Turkey Legalizes Child Sex and America Could Be Next

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In response to Turkey lowering the legal age of consent and the argument you might face with liberal minded peers.

Turkey lowered the age of consent to where they essentially legalized having sex with children. Bring this up and your liberal friends will likely argue what’s wrong with legalizing child marriage. Don’t worry, you’re not taking crazy pills, but you’re right to think that there is something completely fucked here, and the irony is delicious.


It was often the argument of the Christian Republican that legalizing gay marriage would be followed by a legalization of pedophilia. This argument was dismissed as a slippery slope, even I disregarded the warning as complete and utter bullshit. There is no way in hell that America would approve of legalizing pedophilia. Think of the children is often used to create stricter laws, not create a safe rape haven for creeps. But, the real horror is that it is true… somewhat.

Liberal leftists and Obama are pushing for lowering the age of consent to thirteen thinking that it’s to protect the children from harsh life of juvy and the stigma of being labelled a sexual predator, but what they’re really doing is giving the green light to pedophile creeps. Imagine your thirteen year old daughter having sex with a twenty-five year old male, in your home, and there is nothing you can do about it because she gave consent. That’s absolute bullshit! That’s insanity!

This is fine, as long as they’re families are cool.

There are people currently advocating for teenagers as young as thirteen to have the legal authority to consent for sex under the guise that they’re biologically ready for sex. They’re biologically ready for fuck way before they’re brain is fully developed to handle the influx of hormones and emotions, which is why teenagers are often so impulsive and make very dumb decisions. Teenagers often think they know and understand the consequences of their actions when they don’t. Which is why teenagers are much more impulsive to do very dumb things, and the number one reason why they are susceptible to peer and ADULT manipulation. We don’t allow teens to vote, because they’re not intellectually ready, but we’ll give them the green light to fuck and expect no repercussions?! Especially in a county where Sex Ed is like the forbidden topic in most schools.

Did you enjoy Sixteen and Pregnant, well, get ready for the exciting Thirteen and Pregnant! It comes with the riveting excitement of child-birth mortality!

Teen fucking teens is one thing. That should be handled between the families and the court. I think it is absolutely ludicrous that teens go to jail for doing what teens do. But, a twenty five-year old male fucking a thirteen year old is bullshit. She may scream and cry that she knows what she is doing, but the power dynamic is completely skewed. The older male is manipulating her, coercing her, which is rape. Feminists, where’s your fight against this lowering the legal age of consent? Don’t tell me you support it because of freedom of choice. Let’s give a thirteen year old the freedom to make a choice that could lead to pregnancy, STD, and emotional distress. Has the Left forgotten about the emotional baggage that comes with child sexual abuse? You know there are perverted twisted sick pucks that get a chub for a thirteen year old that are just waiting for this to happen.

This is not fine. This is fucked up. But some would say its just fine.

The real horror is that the liberal left regressive don’t seem to see the problem with lowering the age of consent. The age of consent laws are designed to prevent people from perping on the young. Yes, creeps still perp on the young, but legalizing it won’t get the perpetrators to stop. It just makes what was once illegal, legal. Awesome, Let’s lower child rape stats by making it legal to fuck children!  Let’s not stop there. How about  we mandate the schools to install recreational fuck rooms so that the teenagers can fuck each other, right? A legal fuck room where even the teachers can join in, right? I mean, as long as everyone is consenting. hyperbole, but the truth is in the absurdity of it all. Lowering the age of consent would very well lead to a rise of older men perping on children, and as long as both consent, they would be in their legal right to do so. How’s this thinking of the children? How is this protecting our children?

Once 13 year olds are given the legal right to consent to sex, prostitution and pornography will follow. Slipper slope? Bullshit. How are police going to bust a group of “consenting” children, and don’t think that there are parents that are low enough to sell their kids.

Instead of lowering the age of consent, why don’t we instead leave the age requirement and let the families handle how they want to proceed if little Sally and little Johhny were caught having sex behind the bleachers.






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Chloe Grace Moretz Cries Victim of Sexism Because of Hurtful Words



Chloe Grace Moretz, actress in Amityville Horror (2005 Remake) and Kick Ass, complained of being a victim of sexism because she’s apparently more known for her relationship with Brooklyn Beckham and has been described as “his girlfriend” on several occasions.

This is not an example of sexism. This is an example of crying victim when people fail to feed your ego. Not everyone will recognize your accomplishments and when they do it’s not ALWAYS a sexist thing. Also, anyone that has ever been in a relationship knows that our other is at times often described as attached in someway. Most people, when they introduce their partner, will describe them as their boyfriend or girlfriend. This is common and is about understanding relationship to the other, not claim of property, not to diminish any credit or accomplishments.

We as a species from relationships with one another and EVERY language from African mouth clicks to English uses words and labels to help identify and understand our relationships with one another. People calling you “his girlfriend” is no more sexist than people calling Hillary Clinton Bill’s wife. The difference here is that people would be less likely to call Hillary Clinton by a label as just about every freakin’ person knows who she is. Whereas Chloe Grace Moretz thinks her reputation is world renown and that EVERYONE must call her by her name and if not they’re sexist.

Why cover this? Chloe was only a child when she acted in Amityville Horror and this is more of a gossip piece than anything else, right? Chloe’s cry as a victim of sexism intrigues me as I’m sure it intrigues others as it says something about the culture around us. A growing culture of victim-playing and making mountains out of mole hills.

But the real reason why I’m covering this is because I love irony. Irony is so damn delicious, and boy does this piece dish it out in droves. It’s like tipped over ice cream truck in a middle of a neighborhood!

This piece is covered in TEENVOGUE and here is the juicy ironic quote:

So, Chloë, we feel you: We’re tired of this everyday sexism. It’s time we define women by their accomplishments, not their relationships.

From Chloe Grace Moretz Reveals the Sexist Way People talk About Her Relationship with Brooklyn Beckham

You read that correctly. A media platform that directs 100% of its content at women, that actively pushes the narrative of women looking good, that actively describes women in terms of their relationships, claims that their tired of “this everyday sexism”. The everyday sexism TeenVogue is tired of is encouraged by the narrative and marketing they push.

Is anyone else tired of hearing about how this little thing is sexist or how that little thing is sexist?



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BuzzFeed Calls Stranger Things Transphobic By Any Other Word


Stranger Things, for those that have yet to see it or for some reason remain untouched by the hype around the show, is a Netflix original series about a group of Dungeon and Dragons RPG nerds on a quest to save their friend after he mysteriously vanishes. Stranger Things is fun and thrilling ride, for sure, but somehow the coming of age story about three boys finding their friend with the help of a telepathic super girl named Eleven is transphobic.


In BuzzFeeds defense, the article does not outright call the show transphobic, but the implications are insinuated from Shannon Keating’s complaints about the show. I’ll highlight some of the best moments and give my rebuttal. You can read the full article here:

In Netflix’s ’80s-throwback sci-fi horror series, Stranger Things, its young hero gets a girly makeover and wins the heart of a boy. For decades, masculine-looking girls in film and television have been a problem to be solved — or at worst, queer monsters to be vanquished.

For those that haven’t seen Stranger Things, the girly make-over comes about midway of the show and is used to disguise Eleven so that those that are looking for her don’t FIND HER! Three boys help a shaved head girl who is often mistaken for a boy by others throughout the show was given a blonde wig and a dress, a radical difference to her typical government experiment child demeanor. Was it sexist for the elementary school boys to assume that she would like a dress and a wig? Maybe to current SJW standards of TODAY, but not back then.

In Stranger Things, Mike develops a crush on Eleven two episodes BEFORE the “makeover” scene.

Will’s friend Mike (Finn Wolfhard), in whose basement Eleven has sought refuge, helps her put on his older sister’s makeup and clothes so she can take a trip to their school without rousing suspicion. The end result — frilly, feminine, pink — has Eleven looking like a miniature version of Ally Sheedy, brand new and beautified, emerging from Saturday detention with the Brat Pack.

Hold on here. The author makes it seem as if Mike immediately had Eleven change. Did she even watch the show? Mike took care of her the moment he found her because of empathy. He hid her in the basement and fed her out of kindness and compassion, but he’s still a sexist anti-LGBT asshole because he gave her one of his sister’s shirts? Go fuck a dildo. Wait, you can’t fuck a dildo because that’s a patriarchal symbol.

Eleven is at home in a long history of young female characters whose ultimate worth is dictated by her romantic appeal to boys — someone who must first become desirably feminine before she can fully claim that worthiness at all. That premise is all the more galling in a show where Eleven is a) the hero, and b) prepubescent. Why on earth does she need to be worrying about attracting boys when she’s a literal child — one preoccupied with saving people in mortal danger, no less?

When did Eleven seem actually interested and willing to engage with a romantic appeal to boys? She put on a wig and Mike gave he a compliment, as a child that was hardly ever given positive regard, she enjoyed it while on the defensive. Eleven NEVER had a self-reflective though or tearful breakdown over her romantic appeal. Who the fuck are you writing for? Has your audience even seen Stranger Things?

On the whole, Stranger Things makes sure to scrub all possible traces of queerness from its characters. Bullies pick on Will, his brother, and his friends by calling them queer freaks, but that’s largely an empty insult. Mike is safely paired with Eleven, while Will’s brother, Jonathan (Charlie Heaton), after taking enormously creepy photos of Mike’s older sister Nancy as she’s undressing in a window, becomes her confidante and friend. Lonely hetero geekdom is romanticized in this world — stalking is merely a minor offense, something that very well might be less shameful in the show’s diegesis than gayness.Stranger Things champions the nerds and the weirdos, as so much of ’80s pop culture did, but the writers temporarily put Eleven in a wig and make most characters seemingly straight as if to assure that their weirdness won’t become unruly. Queerness, gender-nonconformity (nonwhiteness too, for that matter) — in a world with monsters and alternate dimensions, these things are just too alien to make the cut.

You said it yourself. The show takes place in the 80’s. that’s the most you’re going to get but it is still a very generalized way to say that Stranger Things is transphobic. I know the author did not outright say it, but she might as well have. Afterall, to her Stranger Things actively scrubs away possible traces of queerness from its characters. Why are you so concerned about queerness in CHILD CHARACTERS? Eleven is a lab rat girl who was NEVER transgender or queer. Sexuality has ZERO to do with Stranger Things, other than Mike’s childish crush on Eleven, and Jonathan’s attraction to Nancy. Which, by the way, did involve stalking and taking of some creepy photos but the show ABSOLUTELY did not condone that. His camera was smashed up for it!

Homophobic name calling? Honey, that’s still around today and is a rite of passage for most boys. be a boy at school and you’ll be subjected to more than that, and it builds character. Some random bully calling you a fag or queer freak is a test to see how you can handle trolls. But in context of Stranger Things, the bullies are the product of the 80’s and are going to do what bullies in the 80’s do.

But Eleven is a kid. We don’t know her sexual orientation and we don’t need to. Yet the Duffer brothers felt compelled to give her a makeover and stick her with a boy. (She might have grown up to be with both boys and girls, of course, or no one at all, but in our culture girls are presumed straight unless proven otherwise; even then, they’re belittled and disbelieved.) No matter her orientation, Eleven simply doesn’t deserve to be reduced to a romantic plotline with anyone.

Exactly, Eleven is a child so why the FUCK are you concerned about her sexual orientation. Also, Eleven was NEVER reduced to a romantic plotline. You are either lying your ass off or just dumb. Eleven does not even give two shits about Mike’s feelings towards her. She sees him as a friend, but does not even have the understanding to explore complex relationships or what it means to be interested in someone. Name ONE fucking scene where Eleven felt conflicted about her love interest with Mike. That’s right, you CAN’T because it doesn’t exist.

This sort of idoitic post annoys me. It serves as another example of SJW taking a show and projecting their own bullshit narrative into it. Stranger Things said nothing about LGBT community or sexuality. though it did break the carnal rule of horror. Nancy should’ve died.


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Woman Reports To Police That A Pokemon Raped Her?!



What the holy fuck? A woman in Moscow claims that she woke up in bed to find a Pokemon on top of her, raping her. A that’s right, a woman woke up and felt a virtual PokeCock violating her pink taco. Did the Pokemon say its own name in a cute an adorable way as it ravished her? It couldn’t have been on of the cute pokemon types. It would’ve been a beast like a Charizard with its massive Charizard cock.

The woman says the Pokemon disappeared when she jumped out of bed – but says the Pokemon GO app on her phone could still detect the same virtual character’s presence on her bed.


She woke up her husband to tell her what had happened who told police officers that he did not believe her and told her to see a psychiatrist.

Russian news website Bloknot reports that the police did not believe her either and that the woman then went to see a psychic who was unable to help her.

Ivan Makarov, the woman’s friend, said: “She says there are too many Pokemon at her place and even the dog can sense them. She says the dog barks whenever she plays Pokemon GO.”


Is this an onion piece? Is this shit for real? A woman believes that her dog can “feel” their presence? Its fucking code on a stupid app, it’s not a real Pokemon detector or anything. If this is for real, and some woman reported that a Pokemon had raped her, then that’s all the evidence anyone needs to have her sentenced to an institution. The bitch is coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

Instead of going to a psychiatrist, she went to a psychic! A fucking psychic! You have to be kidding me, right?  I wish someone had paid the psychic to mess with her, to push her even further into the crazy.

But is this legit? Is this story legit?



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Benefits of the Undead Life


Are you tired of waking up and doing the same monotonous set of tasks and routine every bastard day? Then don’t!

Tweet your address to Undead Greg  @zombietimesgreg and you can become a zombie today!

As a zombie, you’ll never have to worry about your bills, slave away at your mundane job, or have to listen to your child’s tantrum ever again! As a zombie you are completely liberated and free to do your own thing. Just as long as your own thing consists of lumbering around, chasing people, and eating lots of flesh!

Still not convinced, then hear it from a zombie with first hand experience.

Pros and cons to zombie life!