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HUSH overrated Garbage?

First, if you liked HUSH then that’s fine.

I couldn’t get into the film. I tried. It was hyped as the great horror film. What I say was a freaking fantasy land comedy where a psychotic serial killer is soooo inept that he can’ take out a deaf woman. The victim he stalked is impaired, and he realizes this well-before he breaks into her home for the kill. How did he fail that badly? How did he fuck up such an easy target?

Imagine this Bad Luck Brain of a killer sitting at a poker table with Jason, Michael, and Chucky. He would be the laughing stock. He would be the beer bitch and the ass and mouth for the after party.

I just couldn’t get into it for the premise and unbelievable stupid psychopathic killer.

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[Review] Deadgirl

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As a horny high schooler that spends more time checking out the girls than doing actual work, what would you do if you stumbled upon a dead girl chained to a bed? A dead girl that is moving, but lacks a pulse. A living dead girl that is spread eagle on a table and at the mercy of your sick desires. What would you do?

If you let her be, then you’re a horrible person for not ending her suffering. But this girl just cannot die. One could argue that it may not even feel anymore, and even if it did, she had lost her right when she died, right?

If you free her, then you’re a horrible person because now what is very dangerous and willing to attack anything it can is now free. Thank you. Your bleeding heart will help cause someone’s death in the future.

If you fingerbang her, then you’ve just engaged in necrophilia and could use years of therapy. By violating a corpse, you’re a sick fuck, but by violating a living corpse are you a rapist sick fuck? She can’t say no, and most certainly did not say yes. Is necrophilia rape?

We all know one or two assholes when we were in our teens that would more than likely do something of the sick fuck nature. Think about it, most teenage boys only really think of one thing and that’s finding something to stick their dick in. Any mother of a teenage boy can tell you that she finds her lotions, various lotions, and good god the Icy-Hot, in various states of use in the bathroom. She might also tell you that she find grapefruits with holes dug into them. Why is that? Because teenage boys are horny fucks. Would it be so hard to imagine that teenage boys would have their way with a living corpse?

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Of course not. The actually reality isn’t what people have a problem with, it’s the ethics of the situation. Deadgirl, directed by Marcel Sarmiento and Gadi Harel, raises and explores the ethical considerations of violating an undead body and the pressure of group think. The boys don’t violate the living dead girl because they’re sick pigs. Rather, they go through a process of evaluating their options and eventually come to the conclusion that since she is dead that it wouldn’t matter what they do to her. They might be sick fucks, but once again, are they rapist sick fucks?

I found the movie to be executed quite well. The cinematography is great. The writing and story worked well together. But mostly, I enjoyed the film for its commentary. The teens seemed believable and a product of their time, and even after they had rationalized why fucking an undead girl is okay, they struggled with cognitive dissonance. Deadgirl isn’t a slasher or a zombie flick or even a traditional horror. Deadgirl is about teenagers struggling with the morals of a decision that they’ve made. If that sounds like something you would like to watch, then do it.

Deadman’s Tome has explored necrophilia a handful of times. I don’t expect readers to be appalled by the idea of porking cold dead flesh, but I wouldn’t be surprised if people had a debate over if it would be OK to poke cold undead flesh. Seriously, this is a question I extend to the readers. Is necrophilia a victim-less crime? So what if the corpse can move, that’s essentially a zombie, and no sane person would argue that zombies have rights, right?

 

 

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[Review] The Unborn

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Did The Unborn sell on the possibility of panty shots to make up for a run-of-the-mill horror flick? Well, the answer is obvious. Yes. Coming from a man who enjoys his fair share of perversion and provocative imagery, the panty shot cover could either be interpreted is titillating art or cheap exploitation. And as a man that also loves exploitation films, I can say without a doubt that this film fails both as a unique horror flick and as an exploitation film.

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The Unborn, directed by David S. Goyer, stars Odette Annable seemingly for her willingness to pose in underwear. The petite actress is attractive and pleasant for the eyes, but it fails to distract from the cliché story. Token black friend, check. Loving boyfriend, check. Haunted mirrors, check. Nightmares, check.

However, The Unborn had a few things that I enjoyed, other than the panty shots. The Unborn is essentially an exorcist story with Jewish mysticism. I know nothing about Jewish mysticism, but I thought it was a nice change from the typical Catholicism angle. The Unborn also featured a creepy kid, but not like Children of the Corn creepy. Just homicidal creepy. The homicidal kid sets out to try to kill the token black friend and stabs her down like a little Michael Myers. The protagonist confronts the evil bastard. Instead of remaining inside the child to create an ethical conundrum, the evil spirit that possessed the child leaves for the token black friend. The same black friend that was just stabbed moments ago. Why would an evil spirit go from an uninjured child to an adult that is bleeding out on the carpet? I chalk this disappointing turn of events to the limits of PG-13. What PG-13 movie is going to show an adult stab the fuck out of an evil kid?

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Oh, come on. How much did they pay her for just a cameltoe?

In summation, is the movie worth watching? Depends. If you’re perverted and want to see just how the panty shots look in action, then sure. But remember, there is Google, and you can get a lot more than just panties. If you want a laugh at the cheap and tired clichés, then sure. But, if you want a good horror that will scare you, then pass it up.

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Savage Streets – Quick Review

Deadman’s Tome is home to Book of Horrors, a horror anthology loaded with terrifying horror short stories that’ll chill you to the bone!

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Available on Kindle

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Savage Streets – Quick Review

Savage Streets, starring Linda Blair (known for playing the possessed girl in The Exorcist) and a whole slew of beautiful women with perky breasts, killer thighs, and an attitude to match, is a brutal tale of revenge in a city were eye for an eye is the only way to live.

A 1984 revenge-exploitation film without the cringe of an typical 80’s exploitation film. The cast delivers their performance and from the get-go the plot moves along without a lot of fluff and bullshit. A group of girls mess with a ruthless gang and as a result the gang systematically harasses, rapes, and murders to the point to where Linda Blair has to take matters into her own hands!

The film delivers on the tit-factor as well. Within minutes of the film, busty white tits bust out from skin tight pink shirts. Not your thing? Then, stick around for the building tension. The film does a great job really driving the viewer to HATE – absolutely HATE, the gang of thugs.

There is one scene that is probably too intense for some, but you’ve got to see it for yourself.

 

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Suicide Squad is Awesome Fuck the Critics

Just watched Suicide Squad and I must say the critics are full of shit hating on this movie like it’s a steaming pile of dog shit. Is it perfect?  NO! But, neither is any other Marvel movie. But that’s just it, right? Critics often compare DC to Marvel as if they’re the same and should follow the same pattern, but they’re different.


For the sake of comparison though, Suicide Squad suffers from some editing problems. Dialog in certain scenes are repeates verbatim from one scene to the next along with behaviors that seem to contradict prior scenes. For example, Harly Quinn checks her neck for the restraining charge when Red Flag let’s the fugitives go, but the Joker had already set her free. WTF? 

However, there are two areas that DC delivers where Marvel fails. One, the inclusion of military and police forces. By involving pentegon briefings and political influence it creates a sense of grounding realism. How would our world react to the arrival of Superman, to the destruction, and then his death? 

Second, dark and gritty tones. Marvel movies are bright and kid friendly other than Deadpool, but that was and still is an exception.


Suicide squad was deliver on the dark tones that portray the story in a more serious light. Ant Man was fun but seemed like a joke. Captian America was fun, but we knew that America would prevail, and Iron Man was fun but a load of bullshit. A rich billionaire designing super tech armor? Please, they would much rather spend time designing cutting edge MP3 players.

Suicide Squad suffers from some editing flaws and too much slow motion, but overall the movie is enjoyable and fun. Fuck the critics!

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Horror Movie Horrors – Demon Seed

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SATAN’S MISTRESS, (aka DARK EYES, aka DEMON RAGE, aka FURY OF THE SUCCUBUS), US poster, Lana Wood, 1982. ©MPM

Hold on here? Is this Demon Seed or Demon Rage, and why is there another poster titled Dark Eyes? Why does IMDB refer to this movie as Satan’s Mistress? WTF is going on here?

This horrible hour and a half is sloppy, poorly edited, haphazardly cropped together mess about a MILF that desperately yearns for some dick. No, I’m not talking about the latest video from BangBus or what have you, but I understand the confusion. Not even a minute in and we are presented with a nip slip. I’m not complaining, mind you. Britt Ekland is a busty ex-bond girl that starred in The Man With The Golden Gun, and she’s not shy about showing off her assets.

 

 

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Horror Movie Horrors – The Muckman Commentary

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Some movies are so bad that they’re good, while others try hard to be bad to be good. Muckman is an indie horror monster film that knows its bad for the sake of being bad. Sounds redundant? Well, so is majority of the cast in this film. Muckman is a horror film with a body count of zero, a nude count of zero, and a handful of pointless characters that offer nothing but some comic relief.

 

 

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Spawn of the Slithis B-Movie Horror

SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS!

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I don’t even know what the fuck a Slithis is, but I know that I don’t want to sit through this shit fest sober. However, you can make that happen. Help Deadman’s Tome reach the simple goal of $10, and I’ll sit through and comment on Spawn of the Slithis WITHOUT any alcohol or other mind altering goodies.

Become a patron, and help make the living hell for me possible!

https://www.patreon.com/deadmanstome

 

 

 

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Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers Commentary

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A day ago, I stumble upon a little B-movie horror called Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers. The title instantly grabbed my curiosity. I mean, who wouldn’t be curious to just how bad this slaughter fest could actually be, right? Well, if you have read my review of this cheese fest, then you’ll know that it is actually not as bad, thought extremely awful in it areas that still allow it to be enjoyable for the laughs (lulz for the younger generation). But some might be afraid to venture down this horror alone, and that’s where I come in.

The first part of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers with Mr. Deadman’s Commentary. Is this within fair use? Expect the nudity, the all to frequent scenes of beautiful breasts, to be censored.

Second part of this hilarious and yet hideous master piece of chainsaw worshiping sexy ladies of the night. You NEED to watch the virgin dance of the double chainsaws to really have lived!

Like what you see? Well, I mean, did you enjoy the commentary? Then become a patron to watch future commentaries and riff tracks! All it takes is ONE DOLLAR!

Become a patron today

Deadman’s Tome is a small, but rapidly growing online horror magazine that went from two-thousand views in 2015 to six-thousand views in 2016. The site grows in response to two things: consistent delivery of content and a strong focus on community engagement. Deadman’s Tome offers writers a unique way to earn revenue from their stories. Instead of offering a fixed rate or a rate based on the number of words, I pay based on the number of views, likes, and comments received. As you could expect, writers have reacted favorably by submitting waves of submissions, and the stories are spreading out like AIDS in the 80’s. With a consistent submission pool, Deadman’s Tome is able to publish original, demented, thought-provoking, and often gory horror shorts almost daily!

-Mr. Deadman

 

 

 

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Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers Review

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A video review would really do this justice. I mean, why take the time to write out with words my thoughts and feelings towards an exploitative B-film? Because this exploitative B-film is self-aware and thrives on the fact that the story is not just thin, but bat shit-insane.

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Michelle Bauer giving a lucky man that “look.” Seems a bit crazy, though. Might be better off talking to her friend with the dark hair.

 

The opening scene consists of a blonde woman being interviewed. She goes through the steps of her routine of prostitution, and then claims that she gave the man male enhancement treatment and pulled out a chainsaw. Yes, you read that correctly.

The movie is literally about an ancient cult of people who worship chainsaws because they represent a force that combines life and death. You’re probably wondering how a cult that worships a modern tech could be ancient. Well, according to the film, the Mayan’s were the chainsaw of the gods. Honestly, I don’t even understand the logic.

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This is that friend you were thinking of hooking up with. Still think you’ll have a good chance? 

The winning quality of this film is that men would be presented with several very nice full frontal nude scenes along side of women killing predatory men. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers may not have an outstanding story, or a coherent one at that, but it combines misogyny and misandry! Radical feminists will be pleased to hear that women are empowered. The vulnerable hookers are actually the predators in this film, preying on men that would normally prey on them. Imagine that an exploitation B-movie would challenge the patriarchy! Hollywood could really learn something from Chainsaw Hookers.

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Because Egyptians and chainsaws have something in commen

Yes, the movie is cheesy, but it’s not heavy or a strain to endure. The pacing is fast and doesn’t dwell. Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers moves like a crime film with lazy dick of a detective that goes from in the office, to a strip club, to strapped to a bed. The problems with the film isn’t with pacing. The problem is the, obviously, the story. But when the film doesn’t even take its story own story seriously, but just goes along with it, what can you really say?

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The amount of skin and the quality of said skin is just great. Ass, boobs, and bush.

Marvel movies don’t make any sense and people just go along with it.Sure, it’s cool to believe that a super soldier with a trashcan lid can take on a bunch of dudes with guns. What happens when a bullet hits the captain, huh? He dies. But, it’s crazy to believe that a cult would worship chainsaws?

yeah, it’s still fucking insane. But is it worth watching? Yes. Even if just for the novelty of it all, yes. Watch the film, and remember that this was a legit project, and it’s still better than some films of the current year.

Still on the fence? Well, sounds like you need some TFC: Tender Fucking Care. Here’s a link.

Deadman’s Tome is a growing horror zine that publishes short stories and flash fiction whether it’s ghost stories, zombie invasions, bigfoot sightings, slasher sprees, bizarre fiction, classic horror literature or erotica. The darker the tale the better. If you enjoyed the story, or even if you didn’t, leave a comment below as it helps the authors.

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-Mr. Deadman