The wild stories in this book are much better, way more demented than some Onion article. Don’t believe me? Just take a good look at that cover. The stories deliver on that imagery. This book is for all the Santas out there that had to endure hours of piss, farts, and leaking diapers.
(Characters are completely fictional. This is a work of parody and satire.)
Taylor Swift doubled over as she raced to the bathroom. Her stomach churned. A sharp pain pulsated within her abdomen, while her sphincter was one wrong move away from opening like a backed up dam. With the toilet in sight, her fingers fumbled with her belt buckle. The motion caused her asshole to pucker against her undies with a wet kiss. Taylor Swift squirmed and hurried, gritting teeth as brown water trickled down her leg. Dropping her pants, she sat her ass on cold ivory and sighed in relief as a waterfall of shit flowed through her. She held on to her thighs, and gave a little prayer, as her chocolate starfish wept.
While her turdpipe dumped gallons of butt juice similar to how Harvey dumped on Houston, all she could think about was that burrito. That fucking goddamn burrito! A mega burrito purchased from a taco truck parked out in the middle of nowhere, and of course she had to ask for extra jalapenos.
Rocking back and forth, she felt the mexplosion go from mild to hot, while her poop chute sang soprano. Sweat dripped from Taylor Swift’s brow. Teeth clamped shut while she seethed. Her fingernails dug into flesh. Her heart pounded, but the shit ride just wouldn’t stop.
Taylor Swift felt a warm wetness wafting from below and looked down to find her body’s recreation of mexican bean dip getting closer. A frantic flush sucked the burrito shlits down an inch only to rise like a shit tide at shit noon. Brown latte overflowed from the toilet, while Taylor Swift quivered in absolute disgust. She tried to stand, but lost her footing and fell into deuce juice, all the while a shit gusher sprayed from her ass.
“Help,” she cried, bitter tasting ass gravy splashing her lips as she crawled towards the door. “I can’t stop shitting.”
Clutching the sink, Taylor Swift pulled herself up.
“Sweety,” she said, glancing into a mirror where a brown Al Joleson stared back, mortified. “I think I’m dying.”
A sudden torrent of sphincter chocolate exploded with enough force to slam her against the door. Lost to an awesome buttgasm, she quivered as her limp body collapsed to the floor.
The door cracked open.
“You’re stinking up the whole house.” Kanye West said, before gagging and covering his nose. “Jesus fucking Christ. I hope you’re not expecting me to clean up this shit!”
Taylor Swift, slick with layers upon layers of shit, looked up at her lover. “It won’t stop. My ass, it’s like broken or something.”
Stephen King is the biggest name in horror literature. With many aspiring horror authors grinding away, churning out stories and books in hope to achieve just a sliver of King’s success, I can see why some MAY feel like they’re owed an assist.
You read it right. Sonic the Hedgehog, our little blue friend, has been targeted by a barrage of outrage on Twitter. A mob of angry social justice warriors charged him with the crime of racism, and immediately demanded action!
Getting impaled by a unicorn to the sound of carolers singing Silent Nightis probably not how you want to spend Christmas Eve. Black Christmas claims its victims in a sorority house haunted by creepy phone calls, demonic noises, bodies eerily shrouded in plastic wrap, and one perverted psycho killer whose voice alone is enough to chill your blood.
When an unidentified caller keeps harassing your entire sorority house with obscene things you can only half-understand, you should get the Hell out of there even if it is freezing cold outside. But like just about every horror movie, the victims say F you to logic and stay in place. Because of that, the murders stack up with one victim being dragged screaming by a hook, and another being bludgeoned to death like something out of a medieval torture scene. Never mind the one suffocated to death by plastic wrap and left next to the window like the vacant face of a doll staring out into the night.
For a Christmas themed slasher, I think Black Friday serves its purpose and would recommend it for the following reasons: you got dead bodies, blood, AND it’s topped off with some Christmas cheer… sort of.
Mr. Deadman has been following the Vic Mignogna situation from the beginning and it’s been a long ride. Vic is a voice actor for Dragon Ball Z Super and he did the voice of Broly. Shortly after the success of the anime feature film Dragon Ball Z Super Broly, fellow voice actors came out of the woodwork to accuse him of sexual harassment and sexual assault.
Mr. Deadman gives an update on the situation, plus covers a situation of a YouTuber tech reviewer blatantly ripping of a phone case company.
Gremlins opens with Randall Peltzer going to Chinatown to find a Christmas gift for his son, Billy.
Peltzer ends up with Gizmo, the ultra-cute Mogwai (cuter than baby Yoda) which reinforces the message that a pet is for life – not just for Christmas.
As more Mogwai spawn and the film descends into chaos we’re given constant reminders of the season such as Gizmo playing the keyboard with a Santa hat on, the evil Gremlins singing Christmas carols, and getting merry in the pub (something we’ve all been guilty of).
Every good Christmas movie has to have a villain and it needs to be a character who’s determined to ruin the festive mood.
In this case it’s Stripe, the ring leader of the no-so-cute reptilian Gremlins who could be called anti-elves.
Of course, like all good Christmas films such as Frozen and The Grinch, Gremlins has its own line of merchandise such as action figures, Gizmo plush toys, and a whole range of movie mementos to collect – perfect for Christmas gift ideas.
So, what do you think? Is Gremlins a Christmas movie or not? Let us know in the comment section.
Alinity, a popular Twitch streamer (which isn’t saying much), made an oopsie when she live streamed her dog doing something too inappropriate to describe here.
But, did Twitch ban her?
The family friendly, Jeff Bezos owned streaming platform just ignored the gross depiction of girl on dog love. If you thought things couldn’t get worse, they did. Alinity apparently has a habit, a pattern of some very gross interactions with her dog.