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Woman Gets Pregnant From Corpse Sperm!

Jennifer Burrows, an assistant pathologist with the Jackson County medical examiner services, is accused of having sex with dozens of corpses over the course of the last two years, a behavior which led the birth of a baby boy on January 7. A birth which should’ve been aborted. It is alleged that the baby began trying to eat the doctor’s hand during delivery. A baby conceived from sex with the dead is a zombie child. Patient zero of the zombie outbreak!

 


According to the Kansas City Missouri Police Department, her baby is the son of man who died in a car accident in March 2015, and whose body she was supposed to autopsy. They allege that she Ms. Burrows sexually abused more than 60 other dead bodies, belonging to males from 17 to 71 years old, which would make her a serial corpse rapist. However, apparently consent does not matter with dead bodies. The dead can’t give consent, but Jennifer will not be charged with rape, but with indecency with a dead body.

Jennifer is a hideous woman. She has the face of a meth head, and the hair of a decayed zombie. She couldn’t get with any dudes, not when they were alive, anyway. She waited until their dead and hard. Rigor mortis will keep the cock hard, but how exactly did she get the dead dick to ejaculate?

Turns out, she would fuck the dead so hard that it bring’s them back to life, just for a few seconds. That’s a magic pussy. I reached out to Jennifer for comment. She allegedly stated that she was trying to get pregnant and would syphon jizz out from the cock with her mouth and snowball it into a large syringe, if she couldn’t get the dick to cum with her vagina.

This is real. I know I had fun with the story, but the truth is unbelievable. Just Google it.

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Grill Cleaning With Mr. Deadman

It’s Saturday before Easter, and I’m assigned the task of turning a rust bucket of a grill into a fucking somewhat sanitary meat cooking machine! 

This gill hasn’t been used in ages. The last time meat was on this baby was back when I had to get a bit creative on disposing a body. Only kidding NSA, only kidding. 


No, but seriously, this grill is a rust bucket. So what do I do? I YouTube some tips: soap, water, vinegar and a lot of scrubbing. Good thing my arm gets plenty of practice. Okay, I chill it with the puns. 

To give an idea of how old this grill is and how unused it has become, frogs are about to get smoked out from their home!


The other thing I do, as a writer, is zone out on this and that. I got to thinking about crematorium workers and the daunting task of cleaning the burn chambers. I suppose the chore is more of a annoyance than daunting. I also suppose that it becomes so routine that the workers don’t even think about the fact that their cleaning human or animal ash. They probably think about it for the first few times, but that conversation must get old fast. Wouldn’t be surprised if the worker cleans the chamber and then chomps down on a Taco Bell burrito with unwashed hands. The guy, assuming it’s a dude, probably wanks on his man meat with ashy hands while fantasizing about the woman, dude, or dog they just recently scorched.

Gross, I know. But it would make for an interesting character. I may never use this guy or chick, but I would think that the character would be so unique and creepy that even as a background he or she would standout. 

Think about that. Cleaning this rust bucket of a grill served twould purposes!

Now for the sponsor plug. Bud Light. It’s what I had left in the fridge!

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NEW Official Deadman’s Tome Shirt

Get your hands on the NEW Official Deadman’s Tome shirt! Comes in three colors: black, white, and blue. The blue looks pretty cool. Yeah, it’s a $19.99 shirt, but this shirt will last you longer than that order of General Tso and fried rice you placed.

Every dollar from the shirt sales goes towards the magazine and allows Deadman’s Tome do more for the writers AND readers!

 

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A Deadman is Summoned!

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Buy Today

 

July 2008, a sinister collection of gruesome tales is released under the banner Demonic Tome. These stories were originally offered for free directly from a site that no longer exists. This issue was lost and forgotten, until it was discovered by a historian that wishes to be anonymous. This brave sole found the July 2008 edition of Demonic Tome, and with his help, we’ve revamped the issue.

Deadman’s Tome July 2008 edition is reformatted and improved so that it will read better on Kindle devices and smartphones (obviously with the kindle app).

Buy a copy today for .99c or tweet at MrDeadmanDT to get a free digital copy. It’s not about the money. It’s about sharing the content. And this issue has some very potent stories. One in particular is so brutal even I had to walk away for a bit.

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He’s Risen!

Read today

He’s returned, and he wants your flesh and blood! 

He’s Risen is an irreverent collection of blasphemous horror perfect for those with a sense of humor. In this collection, zombie Jesus returns to feed on the people, baby Jesus gives it to a priest, Jesus and Moses have a showdown in an end of days biblical apocalypse, and more. Much more. 

This issue is available on Amazon Kindle right now!

He’s Risen print version coming soon to multiple retailers such as Amazon and Barnes and Noble.

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Alzheimer’s? Forget About It!

Deadman’s Tome has a new book out and my share of the proceeds are going to the alzheimer’s foundation! Alzheimer’s disease is a horrifying and daunting experience and hopefully one day we can find a cure. My grandmother suffers from the disease. It’s a strange experience to watch as a loved one slowly losses their mind. Her brain is literally eroding, being eaten away by some rogue proteins (or whatever). People say that even when a photo is lost that at least you have the memory. But not even memories remain. Such a terrible experience.
 
Please share with your friends and family!