Touch Me, I’m Sick by Mark Slade


It was never about love for Mike and Carrie. It was always about sex.

Where ever they found themselves, the attraction was so strong that they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. Dropping their kids off to school, Carrie would climb into Mike’s Classic ’66 Dart and they would pull around the school—behind the chain link fence where the baseball diamond was empty and have their way with each other. On a weekend picnic at the park with Wade and Denny, Carrie would see Mike with Jen and Francine. They would chat a few minutes, then off with their respective spouses and children to eat their lunches. Carrie would excuse herself as Mike did. They would search each other out, go into a Porta potty on the opposite of the park where their families were and go at each other like horny rabid animals.

The funny thing is, up until a week ago, they were complete strangers.

Only Wade and Jen knew each other from work, and had brought, actually, dragged Mike and Carrie to an office party. Wade and Jen were in advertising. They worked closely on an ad program for the Church of Latter-Day Saints that has become something of a pop-culture phenomenon. A child that is bullied at school, bullied at home, grows into an adult, comes back home to help the bully who is now homeless and bring his father home to live with his family.  Not the message, nor the way the commercial was shot, was not the reason the ad was such a big hit. It was the great CGI effects used to morph the child into an adult as he offered his hand to the bully sitting on the sidewalk. For some reason, the campaign had gotten into the American public’s consciousness, sparked debate on social media, for good or bad.  The agency was so proud of Wade and Jen, they threw a party to honor them. Wade was a banker. He found advertising more boring than banking. Carrie felt the same way. Her interest in real estate was waning to the point she was thinking of going back to teaching high school.

“Hey,” Jen said to her husband. “I’d like you to meet Wade’s wife, Carrie.”

“Oh,” Mike changed hands with his drink. “Hi. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Carrie flashed her big brown eyes at him in her usual shy, little girl way. Mike exuded all the arrogant charm of a jock.

Mike smiled, shook Carrie’s hand.

Carrie looked at Mike, Mike looked at Carrie, eyes wild, body full of electricity.  Both of them had this unholy urge and desire to strip each other’s clothes off and screw each other silly, right in front of everyone. It was all both of them thought of the whole evening. For most of the evening they stayed away from each other. Sometimes trading meaningful glances, or nervously brushing past each other as one of them worked the room.

Finally, neither one could take it anymore. Carrie sat her drink down, made sure her purse was on her shoulder and headed out the door for some fresh air. She stood in the parking lot, partly hoping Mike wouldn’t follow, but mostly needing him to. She heard footsteps on the gravel behind her and there he was, hands in his pocket, glaring at her. Carrie trotted to him, grabbed him by the arm and off into the bushes they went. Her dress went up, his zipper went down. Her pantyhose rolled down, his penis came out, driving hard inside her. She pushed her face into the bushes, gripped the tiny limbs in her hands and took it.

Intense as it was, satisfying somewhat, both were disappointed it ended in a few minutes.

Carrie rolled up her pantyhose, fixed her dress. Mike placed his penis back into his trousers and zipped up. Without words, they beheld each other guiltily.  Mike sighed, nodded, and walked away. Carrie waited until Mike was out of sight before she started back.  She retrieved her phone out of her purse and pretended to speak with the babysitter.

“No, Tina,” Carrie gave out a fake laugh as she came upon Wade. “Denny cannot have the rest of that Chocolate pie. Yes, tell him I said that! Goodbye!”

Wade had a strange look on his face. Carrie stopped smiling until Jen strode over like she was on a cat walk and handed Carrie another drink.

“Uggg! Kids!” Their glasses touched in a toast. “But we need them to validate our existence in this world.”

Carrie giggle, took a sip of her wine. ‘Ain’t that a fact!” Carrie stepped backwards and bumped into Charlie Dixon, one of the other Ad people. Carrie nearly fell over backwards, spilling her wine on the office carpet.

“I’m sorry,” Charlie said as he caught Carrie.

“Oh!” Carrie giggled.

“Are you alright?” He asked, showing a bit of concern, but was mostly annoyed.

“Yes,” Carrie said, steadied herself on Charlie’s arm. “I guess I’m tipsier than I thought.”

Charlie smiled, nodded, and headed for the bathroom.

“Hey,” Wade approached her. “Who is Tina? Your Aunt Delia is taking care of Denny tonight.”

Carrie gave Wade a cold gaze. “It was a joke, alright? Just relax. I won’t embarrass you anymore.” She said and rolled her eyes.


When Carrie finished her shower, she noticed a bruise on her midsection. She ran her fingers across it. It didn’t feel like a bruise. It didn’t even hurt. It almost looked like a tattoo.

“That’s weird,” Carrie said examining the mark in the mirror. “Maybe I did it in my sleep…..scratching….hmmm….I don’t know….I wasn’t wearing anything tight past few days…..”

“Honey?” Wade called out before entering the bathroom.

“Yes?” carried called back.

“I got an odd phone call from Jen,” He looked distressed, in a daze, almost walked into the bathroom cabinet.

Carrie finished drying off and pulled Wade to her, wrapped her arms around him. She kissed his ear. “Oh, honey, what’s wrong?”

“Remember Charlie Dixon? You met him at last night’s party?”


“He died,” Wade’s voice broke slightly. “In his sleep. He was only thirty five.”

“What caused his death?” Carrie led Wade to the bedroom, sat him on a footstool in front of the bed.

“Apparently….a heart attack. He was…only thirty five.” Wade looked confused.

‘Maybe he just didn’t take good care of himself.” Carrie rubbed Wade’s shoulders.

Wade scoffed. “No,” he raised his eyebrows at her. “Charlie was a health nut.”


They finished inside the porta potty, again, having almost nothing to say.

Mike shrugged, gave Carrie an embarrassed smile.

Carrie sighed. “This is crazy,” she said, fixed her bra and shirt.

“Yeah,” Mike nodded. “I don’t even know you.” He laughed nervously.

“We can’t keep doing this,” Carrie closed her eyes, reopened them, trying to compose herself.

“I’ve never done this before,” Mike said.

“Well, I’m not a cheater, either!” Carrie said, her nostrils flared.

“Whoa lady….. I didn’t say you were….”

“Is….is it….just me? Or….is this….something hard to control? I mean….I don’t even have to see you…ever since the party a few days ago…..”

“No,” Mike fastened the button on his shorts. “I’ve….been driving down your street, hoping wade wasn’t home.”

“He wasn’t home yesterday.” Carrie breathed uneasily, fixed her honey-blonde hair back into a ponytail.”

“You should’ve came inside.” Carrie touched Mike’s chest.

“Yeah,” he sighed, flinched slightly at her touch.

They heard footsteps outside the porta potty. Carrie withdrew her hand quickly. Mike placed a finger on his lips, Carrie held her breath the best she could.

A man in light brown khaki shorts and a shirt appeared at the porta potty door. Mike rushed out, closed the door quickly. The park worker stood with his hands on his hips, cutting his eyes at Mike. Beads of sweat rolled down the man’s unkempt beard.

“Hi,” mike said.

“Sir? Was there another person in there with you?” The park worker said with all the authority given to him by NATO.

Mike laughed nervously. “No. Of course not.”

“Well I’ll just have a look myself…….”

“Look,” Mike touched the man on his elbow, and he instinctively pulled away. “Okay,” Mike whispered. “Hey….yeah…I have someone in there. I made a mistake…”

“You bet you did!” The park worker growled.

“I’ve got fifty bucks here that says you didn’t see anything,” Mike took the bill out of his wallet and offered it to the man. The park worker eyed the money and Mike, not sure what to do. “C’mon, man,” Mike cleared his throat. “This is a better situation for all involved. I’m sure you’re the only one that has seen anything. Just give us ten minutes and we’ll disappear. As a matter of fact….it looks like rain….we’ll both leave immediately.”

The park work took the fifty dollar bill, rolled it up and dispatched it into his front pocket. “Ten minutes,” he pushed a finger in Mike’s face and walked toward the edge of the lake.

“Ten minutes,” Mike echoed the park worker and watched him disappear around a cluster of trees. Mike opened the door to the porta potty and shooed Carrie out.

“Thank you for not getting me involved.” Carrie kissed Mike.

He tried to dodge the kiss, which was more a brush on the lips. “Yeah, well. We better get back to our families. I’m sure they’re wondering about us.”

By the time Carrie and Mike reached the picnic area, there was a crowd gathered at the edge of the lake. Carrie went to the left to Wade’s side and Mike went to the right, fought to separate the middle of the crowd, where Jen was front and center. Jen glanced over her shoulder and saw Mike. She ran to him.

“Oh geez, honey. I was getting worried.” She said, her hand cupping her mouth.

“I know, I went to find a bathroom and got lost,” Mike said.

“You wouldn’t believe what has happened.”

“Why? What happened, Jen?”

“This,” Jen led Mike to the edge of the lake.

The park worker that Mike had just bribed was floating, face down, his body motionless.

Read more of the story in HORRGASM

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